It's a few days after Cameron's ligation and we're still waiting for this turnaround we've heard so much about. The past couple of days we noticed that he was twitching quite a bit and the nurses seem to think it's because he's in pain. I can barely stand when I see him like that or when I think about my baby in pain. I feel like I'm going to be sick each and every time. He's on a lower dose of morphine right now because they think the higher dose was making him a little lazy. Since he was being a little lazy, he was not generating his own breaths. This is what we need him to do to come off of the ventilator. While I was there today, the nurse kept telling me he was having a good day. While I still saw a lot of twitching (we were reassured that it's definitely not seizures), he seemed to be okay and his alarms weren't going off at all. She also had him on a lower percentage of oxygen which was making him work more. I know my little sweetie can do it, he just needs some time. My sister and husband have been telling me that he's just going to be more like me when it comes to pain and healing. It's always taken me a long time to heal or recover from something. Perfect example: the c-section. My infection is still here, but it's getting better. I wish it would just leave already so I can feel more normal... physically, at least.
Even though Cameron hasn't been doing too great, he has gained weight. He is up to 3 lbs now! Our little flower is up to 2 lbs 7 oz! She's doing very well. Violet had a little bit of an off day today, but the doctor believes it's because she needed a blood transfusion. So, as I type, my little sweetheart is getting a blood transfusion. She's up to 20 mls on her feeds and they started her on vitamins today. After her feeding, she threw up. I have a feeling that everything was just a little much for her today (meaning the 20 mls and the vitamins). I forgot to mention that Cameron is also back on feedings (2.5. mls).
I'm so tired of people looking at me. It sounds weird, but I feel so uncomfortable because I know people are studying how I look and how I'm acting. I know most people are just concerned and trying to help, but I've never had so many people study me and comment on my appearance in my life. It's a strange feeling and it's starting to get to me. Even if it's a compliment, it still feels awkward.
So many people have been so wonderful and caring throughout all of this. You certainly realize how many people truly care for you when you go through something like this. You also realize there are some people that just don't get it or are even more self-absorbed than you thought. Those aren't the people that matter, though. The people we've been focusing on are the TONS that are praying for us, supporting us, and helping us get through this nightmare. We are lucky to have so many awesome people in our lives... and even some that aren't really in our lives at all! I received adorable and thoughtful gifts from one of my best friend's future mother-in-law yesterday. I had never even met her, but she told me how happy she was for us. And she's certainly not the only one who has been so generous and thoughtful. Between all of the gifts, messages, visits, phone calls and help, we're somehow surviving.
Thank you to all of you. Someday Violet and Cameron will know how much love and support they received while our family was going through this difficult time. I will make sure that they realize how amazing it all has been. Keep praying for the loves of my life.
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