I have no good reasons for not writing for such a long time.
I guess I may have gotten wrapped up in being pregnant and everything else
going on over the summer. Part of me also thought that I don’t really have
anything too interesting to say. Once I became pregnant and announced it to the
world, what did I have left to say? How is my pregnancy different than anyone
else’s? The answer is simply because it’s mine.
About a month ago I was able to come off ALL of my fertility
meds. I cannot even begin to explain how much better I’ve felt since ditching
the progesterone and estrogen and everything else. During that time, I had
numerous breakdowns and near panic attacks. Even on vacation, I felt awful,
wanted to jump out of my skin, and just go home and cry. It was a very
difficult time and even more difficult to express how I felt to people. Shouldn’t
I have been the happiest person in the world? After all that trying and
failure, I was finally blessed with two babies and I was still miserable. I
felt like there was something wrong with me. Like I said, it was a difficult
and trying time. Once again, I would not have been able to get through it
without the love and support of my family and friends. They are amazing and I
can’t wait for the twins to know each and every one of them.
Right before I went off the meds, I went to my first “real”
ob appointment. The day itself was actually a nightmare. My sister came to the
appointment with me since my husband was out of town. The temperature that day was
100 degrees and was not feeling well as it was. We were told to arrive at the
appointment an hour early to do paperwork and whatnot. Well, the paperwork took
me about 8 minutes. I didn’t get called in for weight and blood pressure for
almost an hour after that. My blood pressure was very high (159/90). I
explained that sometimes when I go to the doctor my bp is high at first, but
then usually comes down after the initial read. However, my bp had never been
quite that high. After sending me back out for another HOUR, the doctor was
finally ready to see me. It was very quick. He clearly didn’t go over any of
the records I had sent over from the fertility clinic because he asked me all
the questions he should’ve known the answers to beforehand. What’s the point of
me having to “rush” my records there if they aren’t even looked at? Anyway, the
appointment carried on as normal. He did a quick check, gave me a few tips and
sent me off. I almost forgot about my blood pressure, but just before I was
about to leave the nurse remembered. I was called back in to retake the bp. It
was the same. Because of this I had to do the 24 hour urine sample (which, by
the way, is not fun at all). The doctor (clearly not even having looked at my
bp beforehand) was all of a sudden very concerned and told me that if this was
due to the pregnancy it could be a “big problem”.
I was sent off (again) this time feeling nervous and scared,
but I had my sister there to calm me down. Instead of waiting the month to come
back to the doctor, I was scheduled to come back in a week to check my bp and
make sure all of the lab results were okay. After the disgustingly long wait
and then hot walk to the car, I sat down, turned the key and….. nothing. The
car wouldn’t start. I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind. After
flipping out just a little, Amy and I got some snacks while waiting for help to
arrive. Once again, thanks to my family, we eventually made it home.
The following week, my appointment was with a different
doctor in the practice. He took my blood pressure and said it was perfect. What
a relief. Not only did I receive some relief that day, but I also received a
surprise ultrasound!!! One of the babies was very clear. It was moving around
like crazy! The doctor even said it was “putting on a little show for us”. It
was absolutely beautiful. I wish Dennis had been there to see it, but we did
not think we were getting an ultrasound that day as the previous doctor told us
they didn’t have that equipment on hand there!
The second baby was hiding. I guess that’s the shy twin.
That one really wanted nothing to do with the camera and I never saw a clear
shot. Both babies, however, were measuring perfectly and their little
heartbeats (which I still haven’t heard!) were also perfect.
Since then I’ve decided to change doctors and practices all
together. It wasn’t an easy decision, but the doctors I’m going to go to now
deliver at the hospitals I’m comfortable delivering at. My next appointment is
in about 2 weeks and I couldn’t be more excited. Ever since I saw that little
angel moving around like crazy in there I have been in a MUCH better place
about not only pregnancy itself, but the whole twin thing. Dennis and I can’t
wait to watch our babies grow and can’t wait to meet them.
We bought baby furniture the other day. Things are
definitely getting real! More on the nursery and such on a different day,
though. I’ve rambled on long enough.
All the pain and heartbreak is already worth it. Our little
angels are on their way…
