I had a nightmare last night that I woke up and the babies' feeding tubes were back in. I woke up and wanted to throw up. I just can't escape thoughts of the whole experience. I feel like it still just tortures me. I guess I've just never experienced something traumatic like this. Still, not a day goes by where I don't think of the days I was waiting for them to be born in the hospital, the day they were born and random NICU days or nights. Ugh. Why can't I just start to put it in the past?
The babies are so awesome. We are so incredibly blessed. Violet's colic has eased up a HUGE deal. When she screams at night it's mainly a "bored" scream instead of a "painful" scream. She's such a happy baby in the morning and throughout the day... it's even carrying into the night sometimes. She's getting cuter and cuter everyday. Her smile just melts my heart. That girl is going to be a heartbreaker... and a toughie. I definitely don't see her being a girlie girl. She's feisty.
Cameron is the happiest baby in the world. He laughs at everything. Even when he's getting upset about something, I can make a funny noise or funny face and he just HAS to smile or laugh. It is the cutest thing I've ever seen. He talks and talks and talks in the mornings. It's one of my favorite things. His one eye no longer wanders anymore. I was a little concerned with it a few weeks ago because he just wasn't focusing, but now he focuses on everything! Every time I move their little eyes follow me.They are both getting so big.They are in 3 month clothes... some 0-3 month, but those are fading fast.
Easter is coming up soon and I'm so excited to dress them up and take them to their first real holiday. Since flu season will practically be over, we are venturing out to my grandparents' house with the babies. I bought Violet a bright yellow dress with white tights and a white bonnet. The bonnet is definitely for my Grammy and my mom. It wouldn't be Easter if the baby girl wasn't wearing a bonnet! Cam is going to wear khakis and an aqua polo with some yellow in it. They are going to be so cute. I can't wait to get them little Easter baskets.
While the babies are amazing and perfect, this time has been rough. My husband and I barely talk. We don't have time! When he walks in the door, he grabs a baby and then we are working for the night. For some reason, evening is definitely the babies' awake/crazy time. They are very needy at night. However, we've started trying to get them into bed between 9-10 every night even if they are a little awake still. It's going alright... better than I expected. They are waking up about twice a night... sometimes more, but they've been going longer without needing a bottle. Hopefully this continues to improve so Dennis and I can finally get some sleep. To those people who say they kept their twins on a schedule... I seriously don't believe them. It was impossible after the first couple weeks of having them both home. They want to eat and sleep and play at different times nearly every day.
They still sleep next to me in their rock n' plays (which I highly recommend them to any new mommy!), but today I am getting them the little inclined positioners for their cribs. I think I'm going to start putting them in there slowly, but surely. Part of me wants to throw up when I think about that, but the other part feels a sense of relief that I'm able to think about doing that. I should sleep better with them in the other room... at least after a while. At first I'll probably sneak in there every 15 minutes or so just to look at them. My mom recently said she would take one of them for the night to help us get some sleep, but I'm just not ready for that, yet. I spent way too many nights away from these precious angels. While I do need breaks from them (as all mommys do), the breaks can't be too long because I start to get way too anxious.
I can't believe they let me finish this all in one sitting! Cam is starting to stir though... he must miss his mama!
