Today is Halloween. A couple of weeks ago, I was so excited to see Jaxon in his Woody costume and to try to think of a creative costume for a pregnant woman. I wish I was still that excited. It's my babies' first Halloween and the poor little angels are in the hospital hooked up to machines and ivs. I hate this so much. I don't know what to do sometimes. I cry all the time. All. the. time. Every time I think about that fact that I can't protect and take care of them, I just cry and cry. All I want to do is be able to scoop them up in my arms, cuddle with them and tell them they don't have to work so hard anymore... tell them that their Mommy and Daddy will protect them from everything. Leaving them is only possible because of the nurses and doctors at Christ Hospital. If they weren't so amazing, I'd never be able to leave.
Today I'm waiting a little while to go see them even though it's killing me and making me sick to do so. When I went to get my staples removed yesterday, the pain was getting a little worse and part of the incision was hardening. Guess what? Infection, of course! At least I was able to start to the antibiotics, so hopefully that'll be better soon.
After I see them today, I'm going to my sister's house to celebrate Halloween. I know it'll be hard, but watching how excited and cute Jaxon is will help me.
This is so not how imagined their first Halloween. Next year they are going to have the best Halloween EVER. Next year, they are going to have the best of everything... and they will have the same for the rest of their lives. These babies are going to be so spoiled. I don't care... they deserve it.
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