Staying Strong

Hi. I'm the husband. I'm not a permanent replacement author, but instead will be a short term guest contributor. The amazing author of this blog is lying before me in a great deal of discomfort, but is still, indeed pregnant. And that's the important thing. I know, easy for me to say. I'm not the one stuck in bed all day and night, the one who had to suffer through 36 hours of not even having a drop of water, or the one who was so excited about being upgraded to a solid foods diet only to be served inedible hospital food later that day.

But, still being pregnant is the most important thing. And I know future Betsy will agree with me. When our little twinkies are lying snug in their cribs at home in their Notre Dame onesies, she'll agree with me. Whenever that will be.

And that's the hardest part. We don't know when - we don't know anything. We don't know why this is happening to us. We don't know what to do. We don't know when this nightmare is going to stop. We don't know when the doctors are going to pop in. And we don't know when those babies are going to come into this world. We just know they're not ready. And I'm not ready, either.

When we started this fertility journey a more than a year ago, I didn't know fully what to expect. But this wasn't quite what I had in mind. Since Betsy showed me that first positive pregnancy test, I'd been mentally preparing myself for nights awake feeding, changing diapers, soothing crying babies. I was mentally preparing myself for Betsy screaming in labor "You did this to me!" like you see in all the movies. And I was prepared to peek in on them in the middle of the night, breathing softly, smelling that great baby smell.

That's what I was mentally prepared for. Or on my way to being prepared.  But not this.  Not to see the love of my life confined to a delivery bed for going on 60 plus hours.  Not for her to be this miserable this early. Not to see the anguish on her face when the doctors told her the babies we tried so hard to create were coming far too early and had far too little survival chances for our liking.

But, tomorrow those chances go up. And again the day after that.

After months of trying to get pregnant, now we have precious few days to try to stay pregnant. That doesn't seem fair, does it?

Whatever. We'll move on and just cross another day off the list. Because every day Betsy stays pregnant, those future little Notre Dame and LaTech and Atlanta Brave fans have better chances to be happy and healthy. And that's what I keep telling Betsy, even though I know I'm really just telling myself.

I'll stay strong by trying to keep Betsy strong. I know we can do it, because we have so much help. Our family and friends are awesome. The nurses have been great. But there's only so much we can control.

We're lost right now. And only when we know our twins are okay will we be found.