Christmas Angels

This morning I’m missing my babies a little more than the usual. Today is Christmas morning. I’m supposed to be getting them from their cribs, holding them close and opening presents that Santa left under our tree. We’ll still be getting them from their cribs, holding them and opening presents, but it won’t be in the coziness of our house. Instead, we’ll be opening presents that Santa left in the NICU. These babies will never know how much my heart aches for them every second of my life, but especially this morning, on Christmas morning.

Dennis and I have promised to them that we will make every Christmas they have as magical as can be. It’s so crazy how few precious years we have with them when they are still innocent enough to believe in Santa Claus. Christmas morning was always my favorite part of Christmas. When I was young, of course it was about what Santa had left under the tree. The living room always looked absolutely perfect… like a movie. The gifts were stacked and arranged perfectly. My parents would drink their coffee  as we sat and laughed and talked together as we opened our presents. There was rarely any arguing or crabbiness because it was Christmas morning and everything felt right. As I grew older, the specialness remained, but it had changed. I was beginning to learn what it meant to GIVE  a gift. While I still loved opening my gifts, I loved to watch my family opening the gifts I had picked out especially for them. Something about watching a person you love open a gift from you is really magical on Christmas morning. I can’t wait to watch Violet and Cameron open gifts for many years to come.

I know we’re getting close now. We’re in the homestretch for sure. Violet has her carseat challenge on Wednesday. We have to bring the carseat in and make sure it’s all set. Violet has to be able to sit in it for 90 minutes without any funny business. She is also taking just about every feeding by bottle now. She’s not having any issues. She’s going to be home very, very soon. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited about her coming home. Don’t get me wrong, I want my sweet babies home more than anything in the world… but, I want my sweet BABIES home. I feel so sick that Cameron will not be coming home with her. At least when Violet is there she can keep him company and look out for him (I know she does). Also, I don’t know exactly how we’re going to work out this schedule. While I’m here with her I’m going to feel like I should be at the hospital and once I’m there I’m going to feel like I should be here. I know I’m lucky and blessed to have her coming home. I’m not complaining. I just want my family home where they belong. This road has been too long. 9 weeks. They were born exactly 9 weeks ago.

Sweet Cameron needs his hernia repaired and they aren’t doing it until after the new year… whatever that means. I’m wishing so much that he comes through it like a champ. I know he will. He’s a strong little boy and gets stronger every single day.

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas. Be thankful for your loved ones and the fact that they are able to be home this Christmas. If you have children, cherish every second of their innocence. I can’t wait to do that starting in a little while when I go to the hospital to hold my Christmas angels.