Before we went to sleep last night, I decided to check the
site for a local newspaper. It was there! Our article had been published. This
morning Dennis went out and bought six copies of the Daily Southtown. Here is
the link to the article: http://southtownstar.suntimes.com/lifestyles/vickroy/17011923-452/vickroy-local-families-thankful-2012-was-year-of-miracles.html.
In the actual paper article, we made the front page! It was a happy morning for
our little family. I’m excited to put the papers in the babies’ scrapbooks.
My happiness lessened when we called to get an update on the
babies and Violet’s nurse told us she hadn’t taken all of her bottle this
morning. She was really on a roll. She had taken everything for almost 48 hours
so they were getting ready to remove the feeding tube which is a HUGE step towards
coming home. I’m just so sick of these highs and lows. Trust me, I know it
could be much, much worse. But, this is getting old. I don’t want to go to the
hospital today. I want to hold my babies and love them and cuddle them, but I
do not in the least bit want to make the drive to the hospital, circle around
the parking garage, make our way to the labor and delivery floor, check in with
security, put on a gown, scrub in, get updates, find “comfy” chairs, deal with
cords and wires, and finally settle in to enjoy the babies. I don’t want to do
it. Of course as I type this I’m thinking to myself everything is all worth it
just for a minute with my babies. I just want them home.
Cameron is doing better with his breathing. This morning
when I called he was at 1.5 liters for the flow and 24% oxygen. That’s better
than it’s been so far. There’s still no date for his surgery. My little guy is
getting so big and cuddly. Cameron is about 6 lbs!!!
I just feel like this part of our lives is never going to
end. People always say that soon it’ll be a distant memory and it’ll feel like
it was such a small part of our lives. I know we’ll never feel that way. I will
never forget the way it feels to kiss my babies goodbye every single day. Or what
it feels like to walk in to their room and wish so bad that they were there. Or
go to bed every night wondering how they are doing. Or wonder if they know I’m
their mommy. Or if they wonder why their mommy and daddy aren’t there for them
all of the time. I will never forget any of it… not a single high, not a single
low.
Every day I hope that they dream of us. I hope that they
know how much I love them and how much my heart aches for them constantly. If they
don’t know now, I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving it to them. Our time
in the NICU seems never-ending and I know it’ll be the exact opposite when they
come home. I know time will THEN fly by and I’ll be begging and wishing that
time will slow down so I can savor each second that I get to be with them. They
are without a doubt the best things that have ever happened to me. I can no
longer imagine a life without those two precious angels.
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