I Still Have All of my Grandparents

                When our old dog, Muffy, became old and sick, my parents made the tough decision to put her down. Muffy started to avoid us, it was hard for her to get around, go to the bathroom, etc. She was in pain and we knew it. When our second family dog, Dixie, became ill with cancer, it didn’t take long for her to get lethargic. We could tell she was in pain and it was becoming hard for her to breathe. My mom knew it was time to send her to a better place so she would be at peace. We love our animals so much that instead of watching them suffer, we have a way to gently put them to sleep forever. We are able to give them a quiet, easy, painless send off to doggy heaven. While it’s not easy to do, it’s certainly easier than watching that poor, helpless animal suffer.

                Why then, do we, as humans, not have the option to gently be sent to our final resting place? Why are we forced to watch our loved ones suffer?  When we KNOW it’s someone’s time to go, but his body just isn’t letting him, why is it wrong to want to end their suffering? Why isn’t there a way to just make a slow and painful transition a little easier? It’s not fair.

                I’ve never had someone close to me die. I’m 31 years old and I STILL have all of my grandparents here on Earth.  That was probably the last time I will be able to say that, though. I’ve had 31 years of love with my beautiful Grammy, but it just hasn’t been enough. Some people are just too amazing to leave this world. She’s one of those people. One of the worst parts of her impending death is watching and waiting for her to pass. None of us want her to go, but none of us want her to suffer anymore. She has been trapped in her body for about 7 years now suffering from dementia and all we want is for her to be able to laugh and smile again.

                We thought we were going to lose Grammy last week, but our sweet angel has held on for almost a week now. We think she just loves us so much she doesn’t want to leave! While these past few days have been some of the most painful of my life, there are beautiful moments blended in, as well. I’m not going to go into detail about the amazing and incredible moments our family has shared with Grammy this past week because they are moments meant just for us, but I will say that we will treasure them forever and we know that Grammy is loving every second of these beautiful moments. Our family might not do things traditionally, but we know how to have fun, how to laugh, and how to love. Grammy wouldn’t want us to be doing things any other way. The one moment that I will share is one that I will hold near to my heart forever and ever. As I held Grammy’s hand and cried, I asked her if she would watch over my babies. She popped her eyes open, stared at me and squeezed my hand. It was one of the most precious moments of my life and I knew that she would always be Cameron’s and Violet’s special angel.

                This is awful… painful… and horribly, horribly sad. Grammy doesn’t deserve this. Our family doesn’t deserve this. No good person deserves something like this. The world works in mysterious ways. I wish I understood why certain people get sick or why people have to suffer.  I just have to remember and believe that a sweet soul never dies. She will live on somewhere beautiful and perfect and peaceful.  She will live on in our hearts and memories until we are able to see her again in that perfect, peaceful place.