We're ALL Home!

Cameron is home. The emotions I felt the day we brought him home are so hard to explain or compare to anything. I’ve never felt the things I’ve felt in the last 3 months and I don’t think I will ever be able to do my emotions justice because I just can’t find the words. On January 15, 2013, Dennis and I drove to Christ hospital for our baby for the last time. We circled one of the incredibly annoying parking garages for the last time.  We hopped in the elevators to the second floor and showed the security guard our “parent/caregiver” bracelet for the last time. We were buzzed in and entered the gowning room for the last time. We stepped through the large double doors to the NICU for the last time. I scrubbed in for the last time with a smile and my heart pounding.  I greeted my sweet baby in the NICU for the last time.

Trying to hold it together that morning was a difficult task to say the least. I cried the entire car ride over and of course as soon as I saw my baby I was choked up again. I couldn’t believe the day had finally arrived. Had it? It felt like a dream. Actually, were the past 3 months real? It all feels like some strange dream. While the dream may be over since the babies are home, I still kind of feel like I’m in that weird state between sleep and awake. The feeling where you are groggy and can’t tell if everything was a dream or not… I’m not sure if I’ll ever accept the past 3 months as a reality. Weird.

Back to Cam’s homecoming day! We were so happy that Nurse Megan was there with us on discharge day. She took care of him right after he was born and has been with us ever since. She’s been through our ups with us and she’s been through our downs with us. She’s given us hope and support and has been there for Cameron on the roughest days of his life. It was only fitting that she be there to see him graduate. How fitting that Megan was the one to cut off my “parent/caregiver” bracelet. How fitting that she was the one to walk Cameron down to our waiting car. How fitting that she was the last face we’d see as we pulled away from the hospital.

Before we took Cameron downstairs to wait for Dennis to pull up, I had to make a stop in the gowning room to remove my gown. I flashed back to the first time I was in the gowning room. I remember wondering what the hell was going on and what I was doing there and how I was going to do this every day for at least 3 months. The time did not fly by like people said it would. The time dragged. But in that moment, I couldn’t believe how far we'd come and that we had finally made it.

We arrived at our home and were greeted by a big sign that said “There’s No Place Like Home”. My sister had made the sign and my mom hung up balloons, just as they had for Violet. My parents, Violet and Ivy were all anxiously waiting for us. The picture was finally complete. Our family was finally home.

Dennis and I have not slept much (at all) these past few days. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sleep deprived as we are, I couldn’t be happier. Everything is perfect. My sweet Violet Laurie and Cameron Patrick are home at last and ready to start their lives. I will never, ever let them forget how incredible they are and how hard they fought just to live.They are amazing. My Papa said it perfectly the other day, “The last piece to a beautiful puzzle”. While this puzzle is finally complete, we’re moving on to the next. We can’t wait to see what’s in store for our family… only great things, I know it.

Welcome Home, Tutu!

As I type this blog post, I am watching Violet out of the corner of my eye. Actually, I’m stopping in between every other word practically to stare at her. It’s 9:53 pm on January 3, 2013 and it’s a night I will never, ever forget. Tonight is our first night home with our sweet flower. Words will never be able to explain how my heart feels right now. Our night has been filled with hearing her little noises, smelling her head, cuddling her, changing her, feeding her and just simply watching her. She’s not really a peaceful sleeper so as I type I’m watching her and hoping she decides to fall into a deep sleep. She’s so perfect that it’s hard to believe she’s mine… finally, all mine.

Today was hard. I cried for a good part of the day. I cried happy tears and sad tears. While I was overjoyed with leaving the NICU with Violet, my heart was broken since I had to leave our sweet boy there. I think the only thing that made it easier was that Cameron was having a great day! He was taking quite a bit of his feedings by bottle and they switched him to the wall oxygen. This will similar to what he will be coming home on. They’re starting to wean his flow of oxygen so he is prepared to come home on a lesser amount. He did great today. No dsats and no heart rate drops. I spent the day holding and feeding him only since I knew I had to leave him and Violet would be getting plenty of attention from then on. He was so adorable today. He was very awake and wanting to hang out with me. It was a great day with him. I can’t wait to get that little butterball home so I could kiss those chubby cheeks whenever I want!

As we wheeled Violet’s crib out of the NICU, I was overcome with emotions. I couldn’t believe we were walking through the doors of the hospital with my baby.  I sat in the back seat with her on the way home (which seriously felt like it took 4 hours) and listened to her make her little noises the entire way home. Dennis kept asking if she was okay and if she was breathing. Needless to say, she was breathing.

When we came home there was purple crepe paper and a big poster that said “Welcome Home, Tutu”. It also had her weight on there. It was a nice surprise. When we walked into the house with her, there were purple balloons and crepe paper everywhere. There was also some flowers and cupcakes on our table. My sister had come over and decorated for us and Violet. It was so sweet and made me feel like I was really bringing home my baby.

Every year, on January 3rd, we will celebrate Violet's homecoming day. Dennis and I decided that every year this day will be HER special day. She can choose whatever we do and who does it with us. Whether she wants to go ice skating downtown or go to a special restaurant... whatever she wants to do, we will make it happen. The same goes for Cameron when he gets his homecoming day. Since they will be sharing birthday parties, we figured this is a great way to celebrate them individually. It's the least we can do for all these babies have been through!

The night has gone very smoothly so far… hence, the reason I’m able to blog! We’ve made it through two diaper changes and two feedings (one with vitamins!). So far, I’m pretty sure we’re the best parents ever :-). Violet is being the sweetest, most perfect angel that you could ever imagine and we’re bsolutely loving this. When we first brought her home I just sat on the couch and cuddled with her. She would NOT close her eyes for anything. She was staring at everything and listening to everything. I honestly think she knew she was somewhere else. She was a little unsure, but as I look at her in her rock-n-play,  I know that she feels at ease… she feels at home. After all, there’s no place like home.