Ohana

I love my family. I love us because we stand up for ourselves and each other. I love us because we are strong. I love us because we are bossy. I love us because we talk over each other and think we’re right all of the time. I love us because we know how to have fun. I love us because we appreciate each other and all that we have been blessed with. I love us because we can laugh together and cry together. I love us because we're alike. I love us because we are different. Most of all, though, I think what I love the most is the fact that the SECOND someone calls to say something is wrong or someone needs help, we are all of a sudden in our cars driving to  the person who needs us. We love each other. We’re there for each other no matter what. I have been so blessed with such a strong, loving and supportive family. We wouldn’t make it without each other and we know that. It doesn’t matter if we have differences or little arguments or disagreements here and there. What matters is that we are family and family means no one gets left behind. Thank God for my family.

First Mother's Day

My first Mother’s Day was perfect. I woke up to TWO happy, smiling babies babbling in their room and waiting to be picked up. My heart melts every morning when I go into their room because they get so happy to see me. It’s so adorably precious.

After we fed the babies, Dennis gave me my gift from him and then one from Cam and Violet. From Dennis, I received two Pandora charms—since October has two birth stones, he got one of each for the babies. Then, he gave me my gift from Cameron and Violet and it couldn’t have been more perfect. It was a 3 picture frame. In the middle was a collage of the babies and on each side their handprints. It’s already hanging in the bedroom so I can see it before I go to sleep and when I wake up. He really did a great job for my first Mother’s Day.

We went to my sister’s for the day (sorry you were so sick, Amy!) and had a nice time.  It’s amazing to watch our family grow and by the end of this coming October it will grow even more. I can’t wait to meet my new niece or nephew, but I already warned him or her that coming out at 26 weeks is just unacceptable.

So many times throughout this day, I would just look at the babies and my eyes would fill up with tears. I’m such a lucky woman to have been blessed with Violet and Cameron. I wouldn’t be half the mom I am if I didn’t give credit to my awesome mom. My mom has done nothing but work hard her whole life both inside and outside of the home to give us everything we could’ve ever needed or wanted. She’s caring, loving, hardworking, patient, selfless and just plain awesome. Not only would I have no idea how to be a mother without her, but I honestly have no idea how I would’ve made it through the past year without her. When we were trying to get pregnant, when I was pregnant, when I was in the hospital, throughout our hospital stay, and now that they are home, she has been here for me every single step of the way. I’ve tried to tell her how much I appreciate her for it, but I don’t think she’ll ever really understand the depth of my gratitude.

To all the moms out there-thanks for warning me about how tough this would be… oh, wait… you didn’t really. Haha. God bless every single hardworking and loving mom out there. It truly is the toughest job in the world, but also the more rewarding.

To all the moms-to-be—it’s no joke. This shit is real and it’s crazy and it’s hard. No one is kidding about it. They aren’t exaggerating. Best of luck with this amazing experience… it’s worth it. And you will thank God for every single second with your angel.

To all of the hopeful mommies-to-be- I’ve been there. It sucks. It’s painful and sad and disappointing. But if and when it happens, as soon as you see your baby on your first ultrasound you will no longer be angry that you had to struggle. You will appreciate everything so very much and you will be a better mommy because of it.

Love to all of you wonderful women.

The One Who Doesn't Get Enough Credit

My husband.  He’s the one who doesn’t get enough credit. My husband works hard, works long hours, is  just as tired as I am, and still comes home and immediately grabs a baby. He’s amazing. I know he doesn’t think the same way, but I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. When I was waiting to have the babies in the hospital, Dennis was there sleeping on a couch and waiting on my bed-ridden self for four days straight. When the babies arrived, he shuffled dozens of people in and out of the NICU because he was so proud of our miracles. I’d never seen that look on his face. I knew he was nervous and scared about what was to come, but I could see how much he was beaming at the fact that he had a beautiful daughter and an precious son.

My heart melted (and still does) every time he would talk about them with such pride and their futures with such confidence. I needed that more than anything at the time and he was one of the only people to give it to me. I’ll be forever grateful to him for being there for me, but more importantly, being there for our children.

Every morning, my husband traveled to the hospital to spend even just a half hour with the babies before work. Then, after work, he would try his hardest to get there as early as possible and when the time finally came, for feedings. It was incredible.

I’m still trying to get through each day and night juggling the babies, the thoughts of the birth and NICU experience and the fact that my life has drastically changed. It’s beyond frustrating and I take it out on him. I take it out on him when he gets home at 6:40 instead of 6:15. That 25 minutes feels like an eternity to me and I am so exhausted and DONE that I just want to cry. I take it out on him. He doesn’t deserve it. Ideally, he deserves to come home to a happy wife and two smiling babies—it rarely happens. He takes it all in stride, and gives me space and allows me to take out my frustration on him, but it’s not fair. I know this. I’m going to try much harder to be a better friend, teammate and wife.

We’ve been through a lot together.  We make an awesome team.  I don’t want to ruin that. When I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, he was able to show me a little glimmer. When I wanted to give up, he held my hand and encouraged me. When I don’t have any confidence, he builds me up and supports me like no one ever has.

So, to the one who doesn’t get enough credit: I apologize. I love you with all of my heart. There is no one in the world that I would rather have as the father of our babies. You are an amazing dad. They know it already… I can tell by the way Cameron laughs with you or the way Violet calms down in your arms. We are so lucky to have you.  We know we can all be a lot to handle, but we’re worth it… we promise. Stick around for us, will ya? We love you… and kinda need you.