On my birthday this past year, I sat in the NICU holding my
babies and watching them sleep. I was holding Cameron when the nurse came in to
tell me that there had been a school shooting. My sister was also texting me
the same thing. It was December 14, 2012.
As the details started to come in, I remember crying as I
held Cameron in my arms, listened to Violet make her soft little noises, and stared
at the picture of Jaxon that was hanging in Cam’s crib. Their beautiful faces were so innocent and so unknowing of hate,
evil and tragedy. I wondered how we could possibly raise children in such a
scary world. I wondered how I could ever let go of their hands when it’s time
for them to go to school. I wondered how, when the day comes, I will let them
go to a friend’s house or on vacation without me or to a sporting event or
anywhere without me. Who would protect them? How would I know they would be
okay? My mind was spinning and my heart was aching for those parents that held
their babies 5 or 6 short years ago the same way I was holding mine and now
they were going to have to bury them. I couldn’t imagine… I wouldn’t imagine.
Then, after the bombings in Boston yesterday, the same
thoughts flooded my mind. All of these people—families, friends, spouses… all
there to accomplish a goal or to support a goal. People who left their houses
or hotel rooms not thinking for a second that tragedy would strike and the
goals for themselves or loved ones would forever be changed. It’s
heartbreaking. It’s terrifying. It’s our reality.
So, how do I raise my kids in this world… this “reality”
that we are faced with now? My mind
automatically goes into protection mode. How can I keep them safe? When I calm
down and become more realistic, though, I realize that they answer isn’t how to
protect my children. The answer to raising kids in this world is to raise them
to be good people. We need to raise our kids to be the better in the world… to
be the good… to be able to CHANGE the world for the better. Of course, I can’t
sit with Cameron in his Kindergarten classroom to make sure no one is mean to
him. And I certainly can’t keep Violet’s
first boyfriend from breaking her heart. The same way I can’t possibly keep
horrible things from happening to them. I’m not going to keep them from school
and school events or Cub games or the zoo or the city because I’m terrified
something bad will happen. I will not deprive them of life’s experiences
because tragic things happen sometimes. That’s not fair to them and that will
not allow them to obtain the experiences they need to become well-rounded and
intelligent individuals. I want them to appreciate diversity and be accepting
and loving people. You don’t become this way by hiding from the world. You become
this way by loving the world and the people that live in it. I don’t want them
to fear the beautiful world we have.
I don’t want them to be naïve or ignorant about the world,
though. Understanding that there are mean people or people who need help is essential
for their intellectual and emotional growth. I don’t want them to think revenge
or retaliation is always the answer, but rather, justice. I want them to look
at the heroes, the helpers, the GOOD people and know that THESE are the people
that we believe in. These are the people that enable the human race to survive.
These are the majority. I don’t want them to be scared, just aware. I don’t
want them to be unwilling, just cautious. I want them to know the difference
between anger and hate and right and wrong. I don’t know exactly how to do all
of this. I guess the best way I can think of is to lead by example. Again, I’m not exactly sure how to do this.
But, I am sure that I will teach them to love and stand up for what they
believe in. If everyone would just spread
a message of peace maybe we’d see less tragedy. If people would stop caring who
married who or what gods we pray to, maybe we’d see a little less hate. Not maybe—I
know we would.
We should all be a little more like my innocent babies. They
aren’t jaded. Cameron has been sick for almost a week now and still every
morning he wakes up with a huge smile on his face. No matter how pissed off
Violet is, I can show her the colorful mobile my mom made for her and she can’t
resist smiling. Let’s be happy. Let’s love each other. More importantly, let’s
teach our children to do so in hopes that the future of our world has a chance
of survival… peaceful survival.
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