Mind over matter

I’m so nervous! My heart feels like it wants to explode… as does my head! I’ve been feeling so positive about everything… until yesterday. All of a sudden, it was like a switch flipped. We were at a baptism (my adorable goddaughter!) and out of nowhere I had some cramping. My thoughts immediately went to my period.

After we got home, my mood completely changed from what it was throughout the day. I felt like I wanted to beat the shit out of someone. My husband asked if I was okay and I broke down. I cried and cried for a good half hour. It was the strangest thing. Everything just hit me so hard. It hit me that this upcoming test could be negative. Like I said, I felt nothing but positive about everything until that moment. During my breakdown my aunt texted me and said, “Is everything still okay? You’ve been popping into my head all day”. Coincidence?

I woke up today feeling a little better, but I still have this lurking feeling that stupid Aunt Flow wants to make her monthly appearance soon. It could be my head trying to reason with my heart. I’ve gone through this waiting period for almost 20 months now. Maybe my brain is just trying to prepare me.

I still believe, though. We’re still hoping and praying that our wish will come true. The other night, my fortune cookie said, “Your dearest wish will come true”. It’s on the refrigerator waiting to prove itself to be true. So are we.