I promised there was a surprise...

As the days until my first ultrasound slowly went by, my denial slowly overwhelmed me. By the time June 1^st had finally rolled around I had prepared myself for the worst. I kept replaying the scenario in my head: the ultrasound tech would be silent, get the doctor and he would say something like, “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing in there”. I was mentally ready for the bad news.

When I told people about my feelings they thought I was crazy or asked, “Why on earth would you think like that???” I wish I knew the answer. My best guess is that I was doing what I did every month which was prepare for the worst so I can deal with it sooner and then move on. Throughout the week and a half before the ultrasound I was feeling nauseous and lightheaded quite often. I also took a couple of naps which I NEVER do. A couple of tell-tale signs that I was definitely pregnant, but I ignored them… I told myself that maybe I was just imagining it. Infertility not only has a major impact on a person physically, but also mentally.

On the way to the doctor, Dennis tried talking to me, but I told him I just couldn’t. He understood, told me everything would be okay and just held my hand. He’s going to make a great dad.

So… here we are… finally… at MY FIRST ULTRASOUND for a PREGNANCY!!! I was shaking on the inside and outside. We barely waited five minutes before we were called back. It wasn’t my regular ultrasound tech, but the woman had done one or two for me before throughout ivf. She was very nice and got started as soon as I changed and sat up on the table.

My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I was so ready for this moment. As she moved the wand(?) around inside of me, she stared at the screen expressionless for what seemed like hours. I’m sure it was about 5 seconds in reality. Before I knew it, she turned the screen toward me and was smiling. I will NEVER forget that moment and what I saw. Not ONE, but TWO dark circles. I immediately asked, “Does that mean two?” She smiled and said yes. Dennis flew up out of his chair to me and I started crying tears of relief and joy. 

Dennis held my arm and we both couldn’t stop smiling. She measured both of our sweet babies and typed in: SHEPPARD TWINS onto the screen. My heart melted. She showed us Baby A first. Baby A’s little heartbeat was 99 precious beats per minute and Baby B’s was 101. We were even able to see their little hearts beating. Absolutely incredible. I went from having one beating heart inside of me to three. 

We spoke with the doctor shortly after the ultrasound and he explained that sometimes one baby disappears before the next ultrasound and that we should think about refraining from telling people. Yeah right. I called my mom as soon as we got into the car. Soon thereafter we text and called all of the people we care about the most. We just found out we’re having twins… there’s NO WAY we could keep that a secret.

So, here we are. We’ve known for 3 days that we’re having twins. So far it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. I go from wanting to freak out and cry tears of anxiety and fear to being so ridiculously happy my eyes fill with tears of joy and peace. We’re so very happy. We don’t exactly know what we’re in for here, but we’re ready. We can do anything together. We made it through infertility and came out with twins. These babies can’t be any worse than progesterone shots every night :-)

I know so many of my friends and family read this. I cannot thank you guys enough for being there to support, encourage, and love us. These babies are already so loved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart… and the heart of Baby A… and the heart of Baby B.