Waiting

We’re on day 4 of waiting. I have to admit that I have a bit of a negative feeling. Chances are that I’m just not allowing myself to get my hopes up too much. I guess I could just be trying to protect myself. Not that I honestly believe that it will make bad news any easier, but it’s worth a shot.

Speaking of shots… I’M SO SICK OF THEM!!! I’m so sore that it’s hard to sleep. Both sides of my butt feel like they have big tumors in them. On Saturday, right before my husband had to give me a shot, I freaked out. A hysterical freak out. An ugly cry. I called my mom in the middle of it (sorry about that) because I didn’t know what else to do. I recently saw something on Pinterest that said something like “No matter how old I get, when I feel bad I just want my mom”. So true. I calmed down a little after that, but it took me a while to start being rational again. These meds are getting too hard to handle. Progesterone and estrogen overload.

My strength may be weakening a bit, but my heart is still in it. Hopefully, next year at this time I will be celebrating Mother’s Day as a mom. God, I hope so. Not that my day was bad yesterday. My two beautiful god children (Jax and Molly) bought me flowers and I spent the day with a few wonderful women. I know I’m meant to be a mom. I just don’t know why it’s been so difficult to get there. I’ll be testing soon…. SO ANXIOUS!!!!