Rambling

Tonight will be day four of taking injections. My husband has been so awesome over the past few nights. Not only does he mix the meds and put together the injections, but he encourages me and helps me remember why we're doing this.

The injections really aren't too bad. The Menopur is starting to sting when it goes in and then for a little while after I'm done.

This morning I went for my ultrasound and bloodwork and the lab technician told me that I, "have lots of follicles" and that she thinks "things will go very well" for me! Leaving the fertility clinic with some positive words is always a good way to start my day!

We're still not sure exactly when everything is going to happen, but I go back for another ultrasound and more bloodwork in 2 days. Hopefully, we'll get more answers then. That is one thing that has been a little annoying and frustrating throughout this process: the amount of questions we have. Well, that and not knowing exactly what to ask. The nurses, lab techs, doctor, etc. have been really nice and supportive through everything, but I've always felt like they act like I should already know the answer to a lot of my questions. They aren't ever rude or condescending or anything. I just wish that they would remember that people are new to these things and that they are often overwhelmed, nervous, anxious, frustrated and confused about a lot of it.

I should take my own advice. Recently, I was discussing my situation with a friend at work. I was telling her how I've felt so disconnected from my students this year and I just can't seem to get into the swing of things at work. She said, "Well, this is a selfish year for you". She didn't mean it in an insulting way at all. In fact, those words made me feel a little more at ease. I'm not saying that I don't do my job the best I can or that I don't treat my students fairly and with great care, but I can say that I have not given as much to my career as I have in years past. So, I guess it is a "selfish year" for me. I wish that it was a selfish year because I won the lottery or something and spent the year traveling. Instead it's a selfish year because I'm going through a trying time. So while I hate that I'm having a selfish year, I really don't see how else I would've survived.

This afternoon, I caught the end of an episode of Friends. It was "The One with the Birth Mother". In it, Monica and Chandler meet the potential mother of their child. When Chandler has to convince her that they are the right people for the job he says that Monica is a mother without a baby. My eyes filled with tears and my heart hurt. I know the feeling of not being able to have a baby when you know you're meant to be a mother. I just hope and pray and have faith that I won't have this feeling for too much longer.

Sorry about the rambling today... my brain is kinda all over the place!