Colic (sucks)

My heart is breaking for my poor girl. She screams and screams and screams. Nothing seems to soothe her lately. As if being helpless in the NICU wasn’t enough, I feel helpless, now, at home. This doesn’t seem fair. It’s not the fact that she’s screaming, though, it’s that she’s in pain and I can’t do anything about it. We have tried everything to help this girl! The term “colic” seems like a cop out to me. Figure out what’s wrong with these babies and why they can’t calm down!

I hate to wish this time away, but I hate knowing that Violet is miserable. I think I was really naïve as to how this would all be. I could handle the no sleep and the craziness of handling two babies by myself, but I cannot handle her being an unhappy baby… or worse, a baby in pain.

When the babies are happy (which Cam is for the most part), words can’t express how I feel. Seeing them smile makes my heart swell 10 sizes. It’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. They are starting to watch me. If I put them in their cribs for a minute to play or something, I watch their little eyes follow me. I can’t help but reassure them that I’ll be right back and I’ll never leave them.

I know it’s seems silly, but I do wonder if they have any recollection of the NICU. If they think that there is going to be a period of time when I’m not going to be there. I hate thinking about that and I know they probably don’t have those thoughts, but I can’t help but think about it.

Last night was another rough night for Violet. I posted for help on facebook and we had already tried everything that people had suggested. My poor girl… I hope she feels better soon. I cried most of the night right along with her last night. Listening to her and not being able to do anything is heartbreaking and stressful. There are definitely times when I feel like I’m going to lose it. That’s when my husband steps in, though, and takes over. We make a pretty good team. We’ve always known that, but the past 4 months have really proven it to be a fact. Sure we argue and get irritated with one another, but we really work together and cooperate and support each other. I’m so lucky to have found my soulmate… and even luckier that he’s so helpful!