Yesterday was the first day of school with the kiddos. We
also had Open House in the evening. I woke up and wanted to jump right into the
shower so I could find something to wear during the day and evening and pack
enough snacks so the twins would be happy all day. When I opened my eyes at
about 6:10 or so, I had to get up pretty quickly because I had the urge to go
to the bathroom really bad. I noticed that I barely made it because my dark gray
pj pants were a little wet (yay pregnancy!).
While urinating I felt a clump of something come out. I remember
thinking something like, “wow I must have a lot of cervical mucus going on this
week”. As I wiped, however, I saw something that NO pregnant woman wants to see
throughout her pregnancy: blood. Once I could comprehend what it was, I noticed
that it was blood on my pants. I immediately shot up and looked into the
toilet: more blood and what looked to be a large clot. Panic set in and
instinctually I reached into the toilet to see if what came out of me was
actually a clot. I know it’s disgusting, but when something like that happens,
being gross is the LAST thing on your mind. It was a clot and everything around
me was bright red. It seemed as though the whole bathroom was bright red. As I
scrubbed my hands in the sink, I looked in the mirror and began crying and
shaking. This was, without a doubt, one of the scariest moments of my life.
Dennis was still sleeping, not yet up for work, so I came in
and tried to calmly tell him that I was bleeding. He sprung out of bed and
tried to calm me down a little. He found the doctor’s number (I was completely
useless… I don’t even remember what I was doing while he was talking to the
on-call service). An on-call doctor called back within minutes and wanted to
talk to me. She said my ob wouldn’t be in until after noon, so I had to go to
the emergency room. Reassuringly, she told me that it sounded like everything
was okay because I didn’t have any pain and it wasn’t continuous bleeding. This
helped a little, but my heart was still pounding out of my chest and I couldn’t
stop shaking.
On the way to the hospital, all I could think about was how
if we lost one of them, I would never feel complete again. They weren’t just “the
Sheppard twins” anymore… these were our BABIES. Then, the thought crossed my
mind that something could be wrong with both of them and I was almost sick.
What would we do? How would I keep going? Would we try again? The worst of the
worst thoughts were taking over my brain.
Minutes after checking into the emergency room, the nurse
took me into a room to ask questions about my health background and why I was
there. This didn’t take long and she sent me back to my seat in the waiting
room. As we were sitting there, to my surprise, my mom walked in. I’m not sure
why I was surprised at all… she’s been there for everything I ever needed her
for. She sat with us and told us everything would be okay and before we knew
it, I was called back to a room. On the
way to the room, the woman leading me there said, “oh twins! How exciting! I
was supposed to be a twin, but my mom lost it halfway through the pregnancy”.
Thanks, bitch!
I won’t go into every single detail, but I will tell you,
that I had a very uncomfortable exam. As a result of that exam, I had to get
catheterized for the day and was told I needed an ultrasound. The doctor could
only find one strong heartbeat. She said that she truly believed it was because
the other one wouldn’t stay still, but only hearing one heartbeat was
terrifying.
Up to the ultrasound room we went. I’ll cut to the chase,
both of them were there. Both of our sweet babies were squirming around and
looking as adorable as ever. Both of their heartbeats were just fine. I finally
was able to relax a little. The ultrasound tech said she really wasn’t looking
at them, though, and that she needed to look at the placentas and my uterus to
figure out why I had bled. By this time, it seemed that the bleeding had
ceased.
After the ultrasound, back to the er we went only to
discover that the tech didn’t do everything she was supposed to do. Back up we
went. At this point, I also told my mom to go home. We had gotten there before
7 and it was already almost 11. We knew the babies were okay so there was no
sense in staying in misery since Dennis was there with me. After I’d been wheeled to the ultrasound room
for the second time, the tech told us the ultrasound was going to take an hour
and a half. While getting the ultrasound I thought was going to jump out of my
skin. I was hot and nervous, my hips,
back, and butt hurt like you wouldn’t believe since I’d been flat like that for
so long, they were doing construction right outside the room so the drilling
was drilling through my brain and that catheter is NOT comfortable. The time
seemed to be standing still and (seriously) just when I thought I was going to
become a crazy patient and jump out of the bed and start screaming, she was
finished.
Back down to er. We waited… and waited… and waited. By the
time we got back down, the er had become packed. Hours later, the nurse came in
(after Dennis had to go flag her down) to FINALLY take out the catheter. At
least I could get up and move around now. Then, the doctor came in and told us
everything appeared to be fine and he didn’t know what caused the bleeding. So,
almost eight hours in the hospital and still no idea what happened. The
important thing was that the babies were fine. Thank God.
Before receiving my discharge papers, the doctor told me I
could not go back to work this week. I was quite surprised and my brain started
freaking out. I didn’t have anything ready for someone else to come in and do
the first few days of school! How could a teacher miss the first 3 days of
school??? This is where my awesome coworkers/friends come in. I’m so lucky to
work with such wonderful people. The staff at Veterans Memorial will never know
how much I’ve appreciated EVERYTHING they’ve done for me over the past year.
From the favors, the texts, messages, phone calls, cards, gifts, covering for
me, listening to me, and just being there for me… I will never be able to thank
them enough. I hope they all know that I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for
them.
Thank you, also, to my husband, mom, sister, and family and
friends that have helped me get over every bump in the road… no matter how big
or small those bumps happen to be.
Today is a new day. No blood today. I go back to the doctor
for a follow up tomorrow. Hopefully, he’ll tell me that everything is fine and
I can return to work on Monday.
The comfort and happiness I feel knowing that my babies are
safe is indescribable. All I want to do for the rest of my life is make sure
they are happy and healthy. How can I love two people (so much!) that I’ve
never met? It’s unbelievable and amazing.
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